Saturday, June 27, 2015

You Shouldn't Be Here

               Suddenly as we stood there, face to face, I found it hard to breathe as our eyes held.
               "Ellie..." he seemed distracted as our eyes held in that moment.
               "What?" I managed, half-holding my breath and silently congratulating myself for getting the word out.
               "You shouldn't be here," he gave a small shake of his head as he searched my gaze with his own.
               It took me a moment for the words to sink in, and I hoped my face wasn't as flushed as it felt beneath his gaze.
               My forehead creased as his words hit me, and I gave him a wondering look.        
               "I thought you said you wanted me here?" I managed a softly awkward and quietly breathless kind of laugh, regarding him curiously in the wake of his words at the thought.
               "I do," his words were quiet as he searched my gaze, and I suddenly realized the quietly troubled look in his brown eyes as they held my gaze, "You shouldn't be here," he gave another small shake of his head at the thought.
               "Why not?" I asked as he bowed his head before me suddenly, half-holding my breath as he lifted his head and met my gaze again, seeing him search my gaze as though he were looking for something, leaving me wondering what it was he was looking for in my eyes.
               He seemed hesitant as our eyes held that time.
               "You should go," he nodded towards the door behind me, leaving me at a loss and letting out a quietly incredulous laugh at his words as I saw him turn and start back across his apartment.
               "You asked me to drive all the way out here to ask me to leave?" I asked him with another softly wondering and incredulous kind of laugh at the thought, feeling my heart trip as he stopped mid-step at the sound of my words, leaving him standing with his back towards me, "James, what the hell--?" I laughed softly again, my nerves breaking through in my voice.
               "Ellie, I'm trying to do the right thing here," his voice was quiet as he half-turned his head towards me, and I realized he was keeping his eyes lowered as he spoke; that his shoulders were slumped.
               "Do you want me here, or don't you?" I demanded quietly, crossing towards him with careful steps as I watched his lowered eyes, stopping to stand behind his left shoulder.
               "It's not a matter of whether or not I want you here, Ellie," he sighed as he shook his head, appearing frustrated as he said it, bowing his head low.
               "Then what is it a matter of?" I asked him, watching his profile from over his shoulder as we stood together just beyond the entryway.
               My heart hiccuped as he turned his head and met my gaze from over his shoulder, his forehead creasing as our eyes held once again, and I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, making me wonder what it was that had him so off-balance suddenly.
               "You shouldn't be here," he said finally as our eyes held, his look grave, and if I didn't know better, I thought I might have seen regret in his eyes.
               "What's wrong?" I asked him, searching his gaze, my forehead creasing as I tried to figure out what it was about my being there that suddenly had him so ill at ease, "Is it something I said? Was it something I--"
               "It's everything," he said, stopping me mid-sentence and bringing me to lift my eyes to meet his.
               I swallowed hard, feeling my heart ache at the thought that I'd apparently done or said something that upset him, when that was the last thing I'd ever wanted to do.
               "I'm sorry," I offered, feeling heat behind my eyes and blinking to keep heartbroken tears from falling as they rose to blur my vision, "Whatever it was, whatever I said, whatever I did--" I managed, feeling my heart ache in my chest as I heard my voice crack as I turned from him, to make my way back towards the door.
               I was caught off-guard as I suddenly felt him reach out and take me by my right upper arm, and as I let him lead me to turn back to face him, suddenly I felt his right hand curve around the side of my neck, drawing me forward.
               And then, suddenly, I felt the warm, insistent press of his lips against mine, and my eyelids slid closed instinctively as I found myself softly pressing back against his lips with my own.


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

AVSongbird blog #7 playlist updates, upcoming song vids, drabbles, poetry



I've added vids of me reading examples of my work on my youtube, for those of you who'd like to see me doing that, and for those of you who like your reading in more of an audio format because a few of you have been asking me for that. I hope you like the changes. I posted quite a bit of everything, didn't want to put all the links on here and inundate you guys with links. 

Thanks guys,
Jen K. (Avsongbird)

Haunting Me

Haunting Me

               "Would you like a refill there, Katie?" the heavily-accented woman brought her out of her thoughts, and she lifted her eyes from where they'd been watching her middle finger run circles around the rim of her half-full wine glass.
               "Hmm? Oh, no thank you, Kahlan," she flashed a smile at the woman behind the counter.
               "Okay," Kahlan allowed a low chuckle, "Who is he?"
               "Hmm?" Katie swallowed the sip of wine she'd taken, returning her glass to the bar as she looked over at the bartender again.
               "Must have amazing eyes to make you daydream that hard," the young woman laughed, cleaning a glass as she stood behind the bar that stood between them.
               "Yeah right," Katie scoffed at the idea, taking another drink from her glass, her eyes going distant as she continued circling the glass rim with her fingertip again, "Have you seen the men around here?" she laughed as she regarded the woman across the bar from her.
               "Yeah," Kahlan laughed in kind, "Unfortunately I have."
               "See?" Katie smirked, lifting her glass to take a drink of her wine.
               "A good man is hard to find," Kahlan noted, seeing the empty look in the other woman's eyes, the pain there.
               "If not impossible," she allowed with a soft nod.
               "I could drink to that," Kahlan laughed, looking past the girl's shoulder as the door to the bar opened, and a new group came in behind the woman who'd been chatting with her all evening, "Or not."
               Katie, lost to her thoughts again, didn't hear her, or the door.
               Nor did she hear the sound of approaching footsteps as one of the men crossed towards the bar.
               "Hi," a voice broke in behind Katie's right shoulder, and she turned her head to find herself looking at one of the newcomers, who had eyes for the woman behind the bar.
               "Hi," Kahlan nodded to him, "What can I get you?"
               "Two Guinness and a Corona, please?" the man reacted.
               "You've got it," Kahlan turned to get the drinks ready for him.
               "Are you sure you won't change your mind?" another voice caught the attention of Katie and the newcomer at the bar as one of the other newcomers came to stand with the first man, "Won't be the same without you."
               "I told you, I have plans for tomorrow," the first man laughed him off.
               "What's more important than a pub tour?" the second man scoffed at the idea, and Katie did her best not to smirk as she did her best to play deaf and dumb in her seat at the bar.
               "Maybe I'm sick of pubs--" the first guy laughed.
               "You realize the irony of that statement, don't you?" Kahlan's voice caught the attention of the three people at the bar as she stepped up before the men, setting the tray with their drinks on the counter before them and meeting the first man's eyes with a teasing grin.
               "They've been dragging me all over the country for a month now," the man explained aside to her, "Hostels, pubs, restaurants--"
               "You poor thing," Kahlan said with mock sympathy, her grin giving away her sarcasm even more than her tone did.
               "I want to take in a little history before we head back--" the man insisted.
               "Alright, so what's her name?" another voice spoke up, bringing everyone at the bar to turn to find the third man coming to join them by the bar.
               "What's who's name?" the first man asked him.
               "History," the third man smirked, "You're passing up a pub tour, there's gotta be a girl involved--"
               "No there doesn't," the first man laughed, shaking his head.
               "Have you met you?" the second man laughed, catching his attention.
               "Darkmoor," the first man said, turning to pay for the drinks and moving to hand them out to his friends.
               Kahlan and Katie exchanged a look at the name.
               "And if you still don't believe me, I've got the pamphlets back in the hostel," the first man said, taking up his Guinness and taking a drink.
               "Pamphlets?" the second man smirked as the third man took a drink, "What is this, a school trip?"
               "I love castles," the first man shrugged.
               "Since when?" the third man laughed.
               "Maybe you guys don't know me as well as you think you do," the first man reasoned, taking a drink of his Guinness.
               "Really?" the third man smirked, looking unconvinced.
               "Yeah," the first man nodded, "We're in the area, it's right here, thought I'd check it out before we headed home."
               "Yeah well," the second man caught his attention as he turned to head across the bar, "Enjoy your pamphlets. Jason, darts?"
               "Bring it on," Jason said, turning and following him off towards the dartboard hanging in the corner.
               "Hey, can I ask you something?" the first man asked as he turned back to the bar, nodding to Kahlan as she returned her attention to him.
               "I think you just did," she laughed softly as she regarded him, and again, Katie bit back the urge to smile from her stool just a few stools to the man's left, down the bar.
               "Huh? Oh," he laughed, settling down on the barstool, "Do you know Darkmoor?"
               "'Bloodmoor'?" she corrected with its infamous local nickname, "You'd be hard-pressed to find any local who doesn't. And I've lived here all my life."
               "I'm supposed to go on a tour of the place in the morning," the man said.
               "Ohh, you're braver than I am," Kahlan allowed a low chuckle.
               "Why do you say that?" the man regarded her curiously.
               "Look, you seem like a nice enough guy, mr--" Kahlan nodded to him.
               "David," he introduced, holding his hand out to her.
               "Kahlan," she nodded to him, shaking his hand.
               "Good to meet you," David nodded.
               "Likewise," Kahlan flashed him an easy smile, "Anyway, story is, the Lord of the Castle doesn't take well to men in his house."
               "From what little I've read, I heard more of the paranormal activity in the place is focused on women than men?" he regarded her curiously.
               "Aye," Kahlan nodded slowly, "But it's not of the same sort as the men," she allowed, "Both have been attacked though.
               "Attacked?" David regarded her curiously, "No one said anything about anyone being attacked--"
               "I'm not surprised," Kahlan's laugh was derisive, "Scares the tourists."
               "What makes you think I'm a tourist?" David puffed up at the idea.
               "Call it a hunch," Kahlan chuckled as she turned and got back to cleaning glasses.
               "Have you heard the stories of the caverns beneath the castle?" a soft accent drew their eyes towards the woman seated at the bar, and Kahlan shot a look at Katie as she worked.
               "Beneath? What do you mean?" David turned to her, his look wondering. as he lifted his glass to take a drink.
               "You sure you wanna hear this?" she laughed as she regarded him, her smile musing, her eyes playful.
               "Yeah," he nodded, and she smiled despite herself as he took the stool beside her uninvited at the obvious interest in his expression as he regarded her, "The guy at the tour place didn't really say much."
               "Andy's a good guy," Katie allowed a soft smile.
               "You know him?" David asked her.
               "Small town," Katie indicated their surroundings.
               "I'm sorry; I didn't catch your name," his forehead creased as he regarded her, and she smiled despite her best efforts as she realized he seemed honestly bothered by it.
               "Katheryn," she introduced herself, "Call me Katie."
               "David," he offered an easy smile that suddenly broadened into a smirk, "Call me David."
               "Pleasure," she flashed him a smile, nodding her head to him.
               "Well, 'Call me David', whenever Lord Owen became angry at his subjects or servants, or anyone in general who crossed his path, he would have them brought to the very bowels of the castle, down circular stairs cut into the limestone, to the dungeons deep beneath the castle, where they believed they were being led to be flogged. Suddenly, the floor would drop out from under them, and they would fall into their own personal oubliette-- a dark, deep, well-like room where they were forgotten, and left to suffer unimaginable pain and misery until their death," she stated quietly.
               "Wow. No, I hadn't heard any of that," David raised his eyebrows.
               "Not exactly the kind of thing you put on a brochure," Kahlan chuckled lowly, catching their attention as she stood opposite the bar.
               "Welcome to Darkmoor castle, please check out our bloody dungeons and mass graves. Try the bubble and squeak," Katie laughed.
               "So what else have you heard about this place?" David asked, catching Katie's attention as she took a drink of her wine.
               She swallowed over the drink she'd taken, feeling the smile that curved her lips at his interest.
               "A white phantom is said to walk the top wall of the castle at night, a woman, seemingly in search of something she can never find, and a hideous, evil-eyed figure is often sighted within the walls of the castle itself. Some say it's Owen himself, twisted into the hideous creature that his soul took on during the man evil deeds he did in life," she said, setting her glass down atop the bar.
               "I heard that there's a ghost in the castle who responds to women more often than men?" David noted.
               "That would be Owen," she allowed easily, "He always considered himself something of a lady's man."
               "Are you free tomorrow?" David asked her, leaning his elbow atop the countertop as he regarded her, watching her face.
               "Are you asking me out?" she smirked, lifting her glass to take a drink.
               "I don't know," his laugh was soft, his grin awkward, "Maybe?"
               "You don't get out much, do you?" she laughed despite herself at his awkward style.
               "I just spent the last 8 months in class full-time, so no," he laughed, shaking his head, "I don't get out much."
               Katie laughed, letting herself enjoy his smile and trying her best not to show it.
               "What do you think, Kahlan?" Katie moved her eyes to the woman behind the bar, standing opposite her, "Should I go ghost-hunting tomorrow?"
               "You're the one who was telling me she needed more excitement in her life," Kahlan laughed back.
               "I'll drink to that," Katie laughed, taking up her wine glass and meeting David's gaze, "To thrills and chills."
               "And getting out in one piece," David chuckled softly, toasting her glass with his own.
***************
               "That's it?"
               Katie smirked at the incredulous tone in David's voice as she followed the others out of the castle, the two of them at the back of the group as they walked.
              "What were you expecting?" Katie laughed softly as they stopped at the end of the walkway, turning to face him, "Flying sheets and clanking chains?"
               "I mean, not even a gift shop?" he reasoned, turning and waving his arm to indicate the castle as he turned to look back at it.
               "Buy a mini guillotine for the kiddies," Katie bit back a laugh, her smirk musing as she regarded him, "Hours of family fun."
               "Ha ha," his laugh was sarcastic.
               "I kind of enjoyed it," Katie smirked at him, her look playful as he met her gaze.
               "You said you felt like something was watching you--"
               "Yeah, the old guy with the limp," she nodded, "Remember him?"
               "No, before that," he shook his head, "In the dining room, wasn't it?"
               "It was probably nothing--" she shook her head.
               "Probably," he stopped her, stepping in closer before her, "Look, I'm leaving tomorrow, to head back to school--"
               "Okay?" she regarded him curiously, getting the feeling he was getting to something.
               "Do you know of any way we could get back in there and--" he nodded towards the gate.
               "Why would I--?" her laugh was incredulous.
               "You said it yourself, this is a small town--" he started.
               "Well, yeah, but this is Bloodmoor--!" she indicated it with a softly incredulous laugh.
               "Katie, please?" he stopped her, bringing her to meet his gaze, "I just want to know if there's anything to it."
               She drew in a soft breath as their eyes held, letting it out in a soft sigh.
               "I'll talk to Andrew," she offered.
               "Yes!" he grinned.           
               "But no promises," she pointed her finger at him, her look warning as she bit back a smile at his enthusiasm.
               He held his hands up in supplication, grinning as she turned on her heel and headed off to talk to their tour guide.
**********
               "I don't know what you were expecting, my boy," Andrew said as they walked together towards the front gate.
               "You didn't have to take us back through--" David offered as they made their way out, with Katie following behind him quietly.
               "I wasn't about to let you go wandering around in there alone," Andrew allowed a soft laugh as he turned to face them in the gateway, "Anything happens in there, I'm responsible for--"
               "What would happen?" David regarded him curiously.
               "I was young once too, lad," Andrew shot him a knowing look, nodding towards Katie, who'd turned to look back up towards the castle.
               "Oh, we're not--" David shook his head dismissively.
               Andrew shot him a no-nonsense, stony sort of look, and David felt his smile fade, and he cleared his throat, shifting his weight awkwardly beneath the older man's gaze.
               "I'm old, son, but I'm not blind," Andrew chuckled softly, clapping him on the back before he turned and busied himself with locking the gate closed behind them.
               Turning, David felt the smile that curved his lips as he regarded the woman standing beside him, her gaze on the castle set atop the hill.
               "You okay?" he asked her with a soft smile, bringing her to turn and meet his gaze.
               "Yeah," she managed a smile.
               "You sure?" he regarded her curiously, "You've been quiet."
               "Just tired," she said with the same smile, shaking her head, "Lot of walking."
               "Not worn out already are you?" he asked her, bringing her to lift her eyes to meet his gaze, "Was gonna ask you to have dinner with me."
               "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well," Katie shook her head gently, "I think I want to head back to Kahlan's."
               "Kahlan's?" David reacted, "What, you need a drink?"
               "I have a room there," Katie offered as they started back.
               "Oh?" David noted, "I thought you were a local."
               "I am," Katie offered as they walked, "We grew up together."
               "Oh," he nodded, "Walk you home?"
               "Aren't you kind of already doing that?" she laughed softly as she met his gaze.
               "Kind of?" his grin was awkward, and they laughed softly.
               "You really need to get out more," she laughed as they walked.
               "You have no idea," he laughed, shaking his head as they went.
**********
               David was jolted awake, and he awoke sitting up in his bed, his shirt soaked in sweat and clinging to him, the last semblances of nightmare fading away, his heart hammering hard against his ribs as he sat there, struggling to recover his breath as he closed his eyes and bowed his head.
               He tensed as he heard a low pounding somewhere in the distance, tensing and lifting his head, his forehead creasing as he listened to the darkness.
               Nothing. He figured he must've imagined it as he sat there, trying to remember what it was he'd been dreaming about.
               Then the pounding came again.
               "David!"
               Kahlan, he recognized her voice, and he slipped out of bed, driven by the panic in her voice as she pounded at his door.
               Opening his door, he found her standing there in her pajamas, her robe open over them, her hair wild as he stepped into the hallway at the base of the stairs, that led up to her apartment.
               From the looks of things, he wasn't the only one who'd been woken up, he reasoned.
               "What's going on?" he asked her, blinking his eyes against the harsh hallway light after the relative darkness of his room.
               "I can't get the door open," Kahlan indicated the door across the hall from his.
               "Don't you have a key?" he asked her.
               "I've never needed one," Kahlan insisted.
               They both froze as they heard the pounding come again.
               "What the hell is that?" David reacted.
               "Something's wrong," Kahlan said.
               "It could be nothing--" he offered.
               "David," Kahlan shook her head, her look insistent, worried, "I heard her crying out."
               "She could be dreaming," David reasoned.
               Suddenly, there was a crashing sound from the room opposite, and they moved their eyes to the door.
               Crossing to the door, David tried the knob, and found it locked.
               "You don't think I tried that?" Kahlan demanded.
               "Do you mind if I--?" he made to shoulder the door as he met her gaze.
               "Go," Kahlan waved him into it, and, bracing, he threw his shoulder into it, sending the door flying open.
               "Katie?" Kahlan called out from over his shoulder as they went inside.
               Their attention was drawn across the room as a hard, heavy banging hit the wall again, harder this time than it had been a moment ago, with such force it nearly knocked the landscape painting off of the wall across from them.
               "The bathroom," Kahlan breathed, moving to go around David, to head that way.
               "Kahlan wait here," David insisted, moving to place himself between her and the bathroom as they headed that way.
               "But--" Kahlan argued.
               "We called the cops!" David called out towards the closed bathroom door, "If there's anyone else in there, you'd better clear out now."
               Meeting Kahlan's wide, scared eyes, David saw her nod, then turning the knob, he threw the door open, with Kahlan following close behind him as they moved into the bathroom.
               They both turned as they saw movement in the corner of their eye, and they were greeted by the site of Katie's bare legs kicking wildly at the air and kicking at the wall in a desperate attempt to get their attention.
               "Kate?" he moved his eyes to her face, and he hurried to the tub when he realized she was on her back, the top half of her body being held under water as she fought with some invisible force that was holding her there.
               Thinking only of getting her up before she drowned, he fell to his knees beside the tub, reaching out and closing his hands around her bare arms as he moved to pull her out.
               He was surprised when he felt resistance, and he knew in the same instant he felt it, that it wasn't coming from her.
               Someone-- something, was holding her down under that water.
               "Kahlan!!" he called out, his muscles bulging in his arms as he fought whoever it was holding her beneath the water.
               "I'm here," Kahlan was instantly beside him.
               "Are you-- are you seeing this?!" he demanded.
               "What is she--?" Kahlan had tears in her eyes, her expression horrified as she watched Katie struggle in the water, hearing her gasp as she managed to get her mouth above the surface long enough to cough and gasp before she was under again.
               "Does she have some kind of condition, or--?" he asked, trying to figure out what was happening to her.
               "No, she doesn't have a condition!" Kahlan shot back.
               "Then what the hell--?" David struggled with her, trying to pull her up.
               Kahlan's face went blank, her eyes wide as she watched her friend struggle in the tub.
               "Owen..." she breathed, her face pale at the thought.
               "Dammit, let go of her!" David swore, pulling harder.
               Just then, whatever it was released her, and she flew up out of the water, the water streaming down off of her as she coughed and gasped for breath.
               "Kate," David checked, cupping her face in his hands, his eyes searching her wide eyes as she sat trembling before him, her nightclothes clinging to her, "Are you okay?"
               "I was-- I was--" she gasped, eyes wide, scared as she coughed hard.
               "Shh, don't try to talk, just breathe," he assured her, "You're okay now."
                She was trembling all over, despite the hot water, and David frowned to see how frightened she was.
               "I'm gonna go get her a shot of something," Kahlan caught his attention as she started for the doorway, "Soothe her nerves," she reasoned as she took her leave, leaving them alone in the bathroom for the moment.
               "What, didn't feel like taking your clothes off before you took a bath, or did you just forget?" he managed a softly awkward kind of laugh, bringing her to lift her eyes to meet his gaze.
               "I wasn't taking a bath, David," she shook her head gently, "I was--"
               "What?" he asked, bringing her to meet his eyes again as he gently lifted both of them onto their feet, helping her to step out of the tub as Kahlan retrieved a towel for her, "Sleep-walking?"
               She bowed her head as he unfolded the towel and wrapped it around her, absently lifting her hands to hold the towel up around her shoulders.
               "Are you alright?" he asked her after he realized her trembling was lessening as she stood there, drip-drying before him in her nightclothes.
               "We have to go back," she said quietly, lifting her eyes to meet his gaze.
               "You're serious," he noticed the determined look in her eyes.
               "Very," she allowed in a quiet way.
               "Kate--" he shook his head, his forehead creasing at her suddenly serious and determined look, "What the hell happened?"
               "They're not done with us yet," she allowed simply.
               "Who's not done with us?" he asked her.
               "David, I need you to trust me--!" she insisted.
               "You almost drowned, Kate," he shot back, stopping her mid-sentence, and he saw her close her mouth in the wake of his words, "It makes sense that you'd be scared--"
               "I'm not scared," she shook her head as he started to steer her towards the door.
               "We should get you some dry clothes," he offered.
               "Dammit, David, look at me," she tugged her arm away from his grip, bringing him to turn and meet her gaze as they stood in her small bathroom, "I'm not frightened, I'm not hysterical. And I'm telling you, they want us to go back to Darkmoor."
               And as he saw the determination in her eyes, the way the water was still streaming down off of her form and pooling around her feet, David felt a chill run down his spine.
**********
               "How is she?"
               Kahlan looked up as she came out of Katie's bedroom, pulling the door closed behind her, to find David sitting on the back of the couch, his hands folded absently between his knees.
               "I wish I could say she was hysterical," Kahlan's laugh was derisive as she crossed to join him, "God knows I would have been if I'd been the one that--"
               "She thinks the ghosts want us back in the castle," David said quietly, his look serious as he regarded the woman before him.
               "What do you think?" Kahlan asked him.
               "I think I could use a drink," David allowed an exhausted laugh.
               "You and me both," Kahlan laughed softly, "Come on; I'll set us up."
**********
               "Holy shit," David half-laughed, half-coughed, setting his glass down on the counter.
               "I know, right?" Kahlan chuckled, "Was my grand-dad's. Kept it hidden from my grandmother, so she wouldn't throw it out," she laughed, lifting her glass to take a drink.
               "Your grand-dad was a very smart man," David laughed, taking a drink of his Scotch.
               As she stood opposite the bar from him, Kahlan felt the smile fade from her lips as she watched him swallow over the drink he'd taken.
               Reaching into her back pocket, she drew something out, and David lowered his glass as he heard the sound of a heavy, metallic object thunking down onto the counter between them.
               His forehead creased as his gaze fell on a key-ring on top of the counter.
               "What're those for?" he asked her, lifting his glass as he watched her eyes.
               "Andrew's my uncle," Kahlan offered as she lifted her glass, feeling the wondering gaze he gave her as she took a drink.
               "Are those to--" he started.
               "Mmm-hmm," she nodded as she swallowed over the drink she'd taken.
               "You're not seriously considering--" his laugh was dismissive, incredulous at the thought.
               "You don't know Katie like I do," she shook her head, meeting his gaze, her look serious, "She won't let this go until she's had a look around on her own."
               "I thought you said she was alright," David pointed out quietly as he set his glass down.
               "I said she wasn't hysterical," Kahlan defended as their eyes held, her look as serious as his was, "And she wasn't."
               "Then why do you need the keys?" he asked her pointedly.
               Holding his gaze a moment, Kahlan seemed to be holding her breath. Then, suddenly, she lifted her glass, surprising the man across from her by draining it entirely before she set it down atop the bar again.
               "There's something you need to know about Katie," she said quietly as she bowed her head before him.
               "What's that?" he asked her, regarding her curiously.
               "I've known her all my life," Kahlan said.
               "Yeah, she mentioned that you grew up together," David nodded, lifting his glass.
               "She only recently got back into town," Kahlan offered.
               "Where from?" he asked her conversationally, taking a drink.
               "She was--" Kahlan broke off, hesitant, and she shifted awkwardly before him, shaking her head, "Where she was doesn't matter."
               "What are you saying?" David sighed, impatient with her sudden seeming theatrics.
               "Katie sees things," Kahlan said quietly as their eyes held, "Always has."
               "What, like hallucinations?" he asked her, regarding her curiously.
               "No," Kahlan shook her head, "She.. knows.. things," she admitted carefully.
               "O..kay?" he allowed a softly wondering laugh, shooting her a wondering look.
               "I know it sounds crazy," Kahlan offered, "I'd think it was crazy, too if I hadn't known her all my life--"
               "Kahlan--" David shook his head.
               "She's always hated Darkmoor," Kahlan interrupted him, bringing him to meet her gaze, "Would never set foot inside its walls. When we were kids, we'd play in the hills all around the castle, and she never once put so much as a foot in the shadow of its walls."
               "So what changed?" he asked her, his look wondering as he regarded her.
               "You did," Kahlan said.
               "What?" his look was suspicious at her words, and he allowed an awkwardly dismissive laugh at them.
               "I know, it sounds cheesy," Kahlan allowed a similar laugh, "But I tried forever to get her to go check it out with me, and she never would. You show up and suddenly she's all about it."
               "Maybe she likes my ass," David smirked, lifting his glass, his look teasing as she met his gaze.
               "I considered that," Kahlan laughed, lifting her own drink.
               Despite himself, David laughed.
               "Really?" he chuckled, watching her drink, "I thought I was kidding."
               "She likes the brainy type," Kahlan shrugged it off.
               "What makes you think I'm the brainy type?" he asked her.
               Kahlan smirked at him.
               "That obvious, huh?" he smirked despite himself.
               "Oh yeah," Kahlan laughed, lifting her glass as he shook his head and lifted his.
               They both turned at the sound of footsteps in the doorway, in time to see Katie come walking in, wearing fresh clothes and her coat.
               "I thought you were asleep," David noted as their eyes met.
               "Told you," Kahlan's voice caught his attention, bringing him to turn to look back and find her corking the bottle of Scotch and putting it back behind the bar.
               He watched her come around the bar before he turned to lift and drain his glass.
               "You sure about this?" Kahlan was asking Katie as he moved to join them.
               Katie's eyes were glittering in a way that made the hair stand up on the back of his neck.
               "Absolutely," she said, holding Kahlan's gaze.
               "Then it's settled," Kahlan said, turning her head to meet David's gaze before she met Kahlan's again, "We go back to Darkmoor."
***********
               "Are you okay?"
               Katie allowed the softest smile at the hesitance and concern in his voice from a bit behind her, a bit further down the steps than she was as they ascended the curving spiral staircase that led up to the main corridor that ran past the West Wing of the castle.
               "I'm fine," she allowed a soft laugh, feeling an inexplicable tumbling feeling in the pit of her stomach when she realized how small it sounded, stifled in the heavy darkness of the stairwell.
               "If you decide to turn around, I wouldn't hold it against you," he offered as they made their way up into the main corridor and turned left, down the hallway, with him on her right, "You know? You've been through a lot today."
               "That's just it, David. Never in the history of this place has he ever followed anyone home. Why now? Why me? There's something about me that speaks to him in ways no one else ever has," she stated quietly, "I wanna know why."
               "So why me?" he asked her.
               "What do you mean?" she shot him a wondering look.
               "Kahlan said you steered well clear of this place all your life," he reasoned, "Now I show up and suddenly you can't get enough of the place."
               "And you think it's because of you?" her expression turned musing suddenly, "Kind of egotistical, aren't you?"
               "Actually, that was Kahlan's idea," David mused as they walked, his flashlight beam bouncing off the floor ahead of them.
               His grin broadened as she allowed an easy laugh at his words.
               "We can turn back, Kate," he offered, stopping and turning to face her as she stopped to look back.
               "I want to know why he came after me," she insisted as their eyes held.
               "Why do you keep saying he came after you?" he asked her.
               "Because he did," she insisted.
               "How do you know it was--" he started.
               "Because I saw him," she shot back, her look determined.
               "In your dream," David said, watching her eyes.
               "In my bathroom," Katie corrected, "I woke up, and I went into the bathroom to get a drink of water, and I saw him, standing behind me in the mirror. He had this-- look-- on his face..." she trailed off, and David felt the hair standing up on the back of his neck at the distant, haunted look he saw in her eyes at the thought.
               She lifted her eyes to meet his gaze, and his gut clenched uncomfortably.
               "I have to do this," she insisted quietly as their eyes held, "And I need your help."
               "What do you need me to do?" he asked her.
               "You're not gonna argue with me?" she asked him, her look wondering at the thought.
               "Would it do any good?" he asked her with a soft laugh.
               "Not really, no," she laughed, shaking her head.
               "Then what's the point?" he shrugged it off. "Shall we?" he indicated the hallway, turning and starting off after her as she started off again.
********
               Suddenly, Katie stopped mid-step.
               "What?" David stopped two steps beyond her, turning back when he realized she'd stopped, and wondering at the distant look in her eyes by the light of his flashlight, "Kate?"
               "Do you hear that?" she asked, her eyes seeming dazed, her voice hushed.
               "I didn't hear--"
               He stopped when whispers began from somewhere in the darkness at the end of the corridor, and she reached out and touched his arm with a trembling hand.
               "Is that a dead end?" David asked, raising an eyebrow without realizing it.
               "Bad word choice, David," Katie laughed nervously, stepping past him and continuing slowly but steadily down the corridor, towards the sound.
               "Sorry," he laughed back, following behind her.
               "There's something here," she said quietly, dazed again, stopping before the wall at the end of the hallway.
               "Well yeah, that's the fireplace the owner talked about," David reasoned, wondering at the look in her eyes as he watched her, and finding himself even more curious when she stepped up towards the fireplace, her eyes still distant, to reach up for the old hourglass on the mantelpiece.
               "Kate, be--" he froze when she pushed the glass, moving it to the right just slightly, and he heard a heavy click, then watched as the fireplace slid back enough to open a doorway, "-- careful."
               "You worried about me, David?" she turned back to look in his direction with a soft laugh, and he laughed despite himself at the musing look on her face by the light of his flashlight, meeting her gaze from across the beam.
               "Maybe," he allowed a quietly musing smile of his own as their eyes held.
               "Maybe?" her smile was similar as she watched his eyes.
               "Maybe you're growing on me," he shrugged noncommittally, watching as she turned and started through the opening. "Kate, wait," he reached out and took her arm, drawing her back a few steps and stopping her, making her look up at him.
               "What?" she reacted.
               "Do you want me to go first?" he asked her, nodding towards the opening behind her.
               "No, I wanna go first," she allowed a soft smile, gently squeezing his arm with her hand before returning her eyes to the room, and clearing her throat, "Here goes nothing."
               "I'm right behind you," he assured her, sliding his hand searchingly down her arm and interlacing his fingers with hers when he found them, to reassure her as he squeezed for a moment, then let go, to allow him to move in through the narrow opening.
               The room beyond the hidden doorway was small, and furnished with ornate furnishings and linens that had been seemingly well maintained, aside from being covered in the dust of ages come and gone, and worn down by time and the weather.
               The air itself in the room had the feeling of holding its breath as they began to look over the interior. David had to fight to keep from coughing from all the dust.
               "Lilliana..." Katie whispered suddenly in the darkness, from behind David, the sound alone sending shivers down his spine for no reason he could explain.
               "Kate, why did you say that name?" he asked her, turning in her direction in the darkness, and looking at her from above the beam of his flashlight.
               "That's her name," Katie said in a dreamy way, cocking her head slightly as though listening for something, or perhaps remembering something, "The woman who lived in this room."
               "Did Kahlan tell you her name or something?" David asked, feeling the hair stand up on the back of his neck as he watched her drift past him as though on tiptoe, drifting towards the canopy bed set in the middle of the wall halfway across the room.
               "No," she answered quietly, reaching out and lightly brushing her fingertips over the comforter on the old bed, "It just came to me suddenly... Who was she, David?"
               "According to what little history I've found on this place, the story goes that she was a girl from the local village that crossed Owen's path in the market by chance one day, and he ordered her brought to the castle. They say she was obsessed with her the rest of his life."
               "She was in love with him..." Katie's voice was faraway, dreamy, as she stared down at the bed, letting the fronts of her legs rest against the edge of it as David looked over the room, moving around to try and see what he could find in the new area they'd found.
               "Not much to it, seems like," David's words brought her to lift her eyes from the bed as he sat down hard on the other side, still looking around the room.
               "Perhaps you're looking at it wrong," Katie said quietly, skirting the bed and coming around to stand in front of him.
               "What do you mean?" he asked with an amused smile on his face, lifting his gaze to look at her as he lifted the flashlight enough to just illuminate her enough to allow their eyes to meet.
               His smile faded when he saw the distant look in her eyes as she regarded him, and he saw how distant and dazed she seemed.
               Suddenly, off behind Katie, the fireplace came roaring to life, and both of them jumped at the sudden motion and sound and light from behind her, then laughed when they realized what had happened.
               "Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks so," Katie laughed, reaching up to brush her hair back out of her eyes as she allowed half a smile, turning back to meet David's eyes.
               She was caught off-guard at the strange, fascinated look in his eyes as he regarded her, his flashlight on the floor by his foot, dropped, discarded, and already forgotten, and she felt a shiver pass through her as she held his gaze.
               "David?" she tried, stepping forward as she searched his distant and dazed eyes that moved over her face as though he'd forgotten who she was, "Are you okay?"
               "I'm perfect," he breathed, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips as he regarded her quietly by the firelight.
               "Are you sure?" she laughed, unaware that she stepped up closer to him and stood with her feet between his feet as she watched his face.
               "Lily..." David's voice was dreamy as he watched her eyes.
               Katie gasped, shivers running down her spine as she felt something wash over her from behind, like a wave crashing down upon her, and she felt something take hold of her, making her body tingle pleasantly all over in a way she'd never experienced before.
               "Owen..." she breathed in a voice that was her own, but not her own, as she held David's eyes from somewhere deep inside of herself, knowing that whatever it was had taken her over, was taking control of her, and wasn't seeing David sitting on the edge of the bed.
               "My Lily," David said in a voice that was his own, but not his own, as he reached up his hand and gently touched Katie's face.
               "Owen..." Lily groaned in Katie's voice, as David curved his hand around the side of her neck and pulled her forward, to kiss her deeply.
               Inside herself, Katie knew what was happening, just as she realized in her own mind that David must know what was happening.
               The two had been lovers for a time, and somehow they'd been separated, by fate and by time. And this room-- the room they had shared in their too-short time together, had been walled up and hidden away for God knew how many years, for whatever reason.
               It had been completely cut off and devoid of life... until now.
               And now, with the arrival of David and Katie in the castle, they'd seen something in those particular two that had reminded them of themselves, and they had sensed that their time had come, to find each other, and to feel each other again through the ones Owen himself had called back to the castle.
               Suddenly brought back to the present, Katie felt herself wrapping her arms around David's neck as he drew her forward and turned her, laying her on her back as he pulled his shirt off and threw it aside.
******************
               The next thing Katie knew, it was morning, and she was waking to find the fire going anew in the fireplace, the sun peeking in through the window she knew the others had never been able to explain from the outside.
               Feeling David stir, she only then realized that she'd fallen asleep beside him, facing him with their legs entangled in each other and the sheets.
               Looking up, she saw a mist forming near the fireplace, and, gasping as she saw two forms beginning to take definite shape there, she reached out to touch the shoulder of the man beside her, lying between her and the figures with his back towards them.
               "David, wake up," she said, shaking his shoulder.
               "Hmm-- what?" he opened one eye, then tensed when he saw her there, turning to look behind him when she nodded her head in that direction.
               "I wanted to thank you," the woman said, her voice soft, musical as it came.
               She was tall, and slender, with pale, ivory skin and long dark hair, her eyes piercingly blue as they regarded the two figures in the bed.
               "It has been so long since we've been together," Lily offered with a gentle smile, "We could never have found our way back to each other again without your help."
               "I, too, owe you my gratitude," Owen said beside her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her back against him as he kissed the side of her head, his eyes shining with his smile, "You helped me find the one who made me happier than anything in all the world. When fate saw fit to take her from me, with a terrible illness, I was lost... I never imagined..."
               "Hush, my love," Lily turned to him, her eyes shining with her love for him, "Nothing will ever separate us again."
               He kissed her, his eyes shining in his love for her, then she turned to face the two in the bed, crossing to them.
               Katie felt a shiver pass through her as Lily seemed to drift through the bed, stopping close enough to lift her hand to cup Katie's face with it, and Katie felt a shiver of electricity pass through her body in the wake of the ghost's touch.
               "Both of you have wandered this life in search of something just beyond your reach," Lily said, turning her gaze to each of them in kind, "Of someone just beyond your sight, as Owen and I have for all these years. And in your search, you've brought people into your lives and into your beds, but never have you found one that you could never walk away from, one you could never forget."
               "Know that your meeting as you did, was not by chance, and should not be lightly cast aside," Owen said, coming forward and catching both of their attention as Lily moved to join him again, and he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.
               And with that, they were gone, leaving the fire, and the rising sun moving into the room, and the two in the bed to realize that they were in the bed, as it started to fully sink in, what had happened between them the night before.
               "So," David caught her attention, bringing her to turn to meet his gaze, and she found a smirk crossing his lips as his gaze held hers, "Breakfast?"
               Shaking her head as she laughed, she clubbed him with a pillow, cracking up despite herself, and feeling her heart flutter as his easy laughter joined hers.

**********************

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Finding Jesse (Side note set after "Run Jesse")

Finding Jesse (Side note set after "Run, Jesse")
By Jen K


               "We're in your head, Jesse," he'd told her as he'd smiled that creepy, leering sort of smile, his dark, soulless eyes clashing with her wide, frightened ones.
               I've always been here.
***********
               I've been watching you, Jesse.
               All these months, I've watched you.
               I told you once that you drew me up from the depths, from the darkness, out of your boredom.. your loneliness.. your fear.
               I remember the way you trembled against me as I admitted such things to you.
               How I craved your fear, Jesse.. from the very beginning. Your fear, your.. uncertainty. I told you once that I could almost taste your fear on you. I fairly tremble now at the very thought of it.
               I remember the flash of fire in your eyes, the way you taunted me with your strength, despite everything I did to crush you, to break your spirit. I remember how you fought me.
               And ohh, how you fought me.
               I have had others before you-- so many others-- nameless, faceless, endless others. Every one of them lonely as you were, aching and alone and lost in the night, every one of them waking me as, one by one, they turned to the darkness, to save them from their boredom, to distract them from their loneliness.
               They never had your strength, Jesse. I dared not imagine any one person could possess such strength. You were a woman apart, Jesse. A fire that would rage against anything and everything that tried to put your fire out.
               And as the months passed, as I watched you from the darkness, from the shadows-- I knew I had to have you.
               In the beginning, when I woke, I watched you from the periphery, hovering just beyond the very limits of existence, keeping my distance because I knew you were not yet ready to see me, however brave you thought you were when it came to facing your fears.
               And you did believe yourself brave, didn't you Jesse?
               As the months passed, I drew steadily closer, watching you and your growing fascination with the darker side of existence, your growing appetite for dark things-- things that would make your heart race and your hair stand on end. Things that would raise goose-bumps on your flesh. Things that would make you tremble and gasp and whirl in your chair from where you sat at your desk, wide eyed, frightened as you looked to make sure that you were still alone, safe and sound in your room.
               I was there with you, and though you didn't know it, not then, some part of you sensed it. I could see it all over you each time you'd turn back to watching whatever horror movie you'd lost yourself in that night, knowing you were listening to the darkness more than you were listening to whatever movie you happened to be watching.
               I find myself wondering whether you'd have pursued the darkness so greedily, with such hunger and drive if you'd known that I was there. That I was watching you... that I was waiting for you.
               Would you have turned back? Would you have re-doubled your efforts?
               You should have been careful, Jesse. For when you so greedily seek out the darkness, if you're not careful, there comes a point that the darkness awakens, and decides to come for you.
               I found you, Jesse.
               "You wanted this Jesse," I'd told her, and she'd looked shocked at the thought.
               "All those nights curled up in the dark in your bedroom with your laptop, safe and sound and cozy in that safe and sound and cozy little life of yours. Sheltered, protected... safe... Your soul called out to me from the darkness, brought me up from the depths. You wanted this, Jesse. Admit it."
               I could see the realization dawn in her wide eyes as I spoke the words to her, I could see the fear sinking in as I spoke.
               "You tried to tell yourself that you were sweet... innocent... simple... That your simple, uncomplicated life was enough for you... that that boyfriend of yours was enough for you... But no," I'd told her, and ohh her fear was so thick on her I could almost reach out my fingers and touch it.
               "Night after night, when he left you alone, you sought me out in the darkness... out of your boredom... your loneliness... your emptiness... You wanted the nightmare... the demon... the monster... And here... I... Am!"



               You should have been careful, Jesse.
               But now, it's far too late to turn back.







Sunday, June 7, 2015

AVSongbird blog vid #3-- Numbers! Jesse! glasses!

Down the Corridor

Down the Corridor
By Jen K. (Avsongbird)

               It was loneliness, she told herself. Loneliness and the desperation that only such longstanding isolation can bring.
               That was what drove her into those stone halls in the dead of night, her heartbeat pounding in her head and her bare feet feeling the rough texture of the stone floors beneath them as she made her way through countless corridors on legs that trembled from nerves as much as the cold of the winter’s night.
               It couldn’t have been bravery, though on more occasions than she could easily count, she’d put herself into harm’s way in order to protect him.
               She paused in her journey, lifting her left hand to catch herself with as she stopped to lean against the stone wall, her shadow cast on the stone floor beneath as she stopped to stand beneath the flickering torch on the wall, her head bowed as she swallowed over her nerves.
               Her knees facing the full weight of her broken heart and lonely, aching, empty soul, she felt them buckle, and she gave out a soft sob, feeling the distance between them stretch away before her.
               How long she knelt by that wall in the cold of the hallway, she couldn’t tell. Minutes, hours?
               It could have been days, for all the feeling in her heavy, broken and aching heart.
               Lifting her head, her tears reflected in the torchlight, she lifted her eyes to the end of the corridor, though she didn’t see it.
               She saw his eyes, his smile. She felt his arms around her instead of the cold chill whipping past her in the hall.
               She felt his lips closing against her own from across time, and space.
               Had it really been so long ago?
               Had it really been years since she’d felt his arms around her, seen the pain in his eyes, hidden somewhere within the hope she saw in his gaze as he’d declared his love for her, and made his offer to run away with her?
               Mustering all the strength that was left in her, she forced herself onto her feet again, bracing her left hand against the stone wall to help her as she made her way down the hallway.
               As she went, walking on barefoot tiptoe, her heart and her head waged a war within her that wasn’t new, and she felt the battle taking its toll after going on for so long without reaching any solutions.
               Her heart was urging her onward, as her brain nagged at her to go back—to return to the life from whence she’d come, and to make peace with her place there. For her to leave him in peace to go about his life as he was destined to without her influence.
               And for years, she’d fought her heart, however hard she’d wanted to believe his professions of love, his vows that he would leave everything he’d ever known, to have her as his own for a lifetime.
               She’d gone faithfully to her own bed, turning from him however many times he came to her, believing she was doing the right thing, and every time their eyes met from across the room, she forced herself to ignore the pain she saw in his eyes, the heartache, telling herself always that she was doing the right thing, the proper thing.
               And all the while, she pretended that her heart didn’t break a little more each time she turned him away, that her soul didn’t die a day at a time as she felt, so strongly, the distance between them.
               And each time she was forced to look into his crystal clear blue eyes from across that distance, the feet became miles.
               Tonight, for whatever reason, she couldn’t take it anymore. She had to see him, even for a minute, if only to tell him goodnight.
               Her day in the life she’d been living had hurt her too much to go another night without just seeing the one she’d come to trust.
               The one she’d long denied loving, and yet, that was exactly what she felt all those years.
               And, somehow, deep down, he’d always seemed to know it.
               Stopping, she lifted her head, feeling her heart hit the back of her throat as she realized she was standing outside the door to his room.
               Her eyes glistening with her unshed tears, she drifted forward on tiptoe, closing her eyes against her tears as she bowed her forehead quietly against the wooden surface of his door, lifting her trembling left hand and letting it rest flat against the surface, just off to the left side of her head as she let out a deep sigh, fighting the urge she felt in her knees to give out, to hit the floor.
               He was inside. She could feel it, pulling her from deep down in her heart, her soul.
               And it was tearing her up inside to know that she couldn’t go to him, to kiss him and hold him and tell him everything she’d long hidden, and long denied, however badly she’d wanted to confess herself to him.
               To bare her heart and soul to the one who had never abandoned her, who’d never turned and walked away when she’d needed him most.
               Suddenly, the door opened before her, and she felt her heart hit her throat as she wavered on her feet for a moment, saving herself from falling forward into the suddenly open space.
               “Emily?”
               She’d always thought herself an independent woman—a strong woman—untouchable, unbreakable, untamable, and yet, with that one word passing from his lips, she felt her heart breaking in her chest, even as she felt it answering his call, because she wasn’t free to.
               Seeing his bare feet move into her vision as she opened her lowered eyes, she managed to lift her eyes, and she felt her heart somersault inside her chest as she saw he was standing there in his trousers and white nightshirt, his sword held in hand at the presence of an “intruder” so late outside his chambers.
               “Em?” he tried again, concern in his light blue eyes as he took her hand into his, bringing her gently inside before releasing her, to turn back and close the door behind her before he turned back to her, letting his sword fall to rest atop his side table, “What’s wrong?” he asked, watching her eyes as he stopped to stand before her, reaching up to gently brush her hair back out of her eyes.
               Stepping forward, she lifted herself onto her toes, lifting her left hand and turning her wrist to let herself brush the backs of her fingers gently down over his cheek, her eyes watching the movement as she let herself feel the smooth warmth of his flesh against her own after so long.
               She inhaled softly as she felt his right hand close gently around her forearm just above the elbow, feeling a shiver pass through her as he let his hand slide caressingly upwards, to gently take her by the wrist, bringing her to move her eyes to meet his in the firelight.
               She knew him well enough to know he was a lot of things, but she’d known him long enough to know that a fool wasn’t one of them.
               He knew an intimate touch when he was given one. And he’d long known that she’d always loved him, however much she may have argued this fact at every given opportunity.
               And he knew that, whatever her reasons, this was what had brought her to his chambers as he held her eyes and saw the vulnerability there, hidden somewhere inside the heartache and the strength of her love for him.
               In all his life, he’d never known anyone who’d ever been as honest, as giving, or as loving to him as she had always been.
               Never had anyone in his life challenged him so openly and so fearlessly as she always had, nor given him such unquestioning and unflagging loyalty, as she always had.
               She had seen him at his strongest, and at his weakest, and never once had she turned from him, or failed to be there for him whenever he needed her most.
               Never had anyone ever made him feel stronger, or braver than he did with her at his side.
               It was why he’d wanted her to be his queen. It was why he could never see anyone else but her at his side, forever.
               She’d long possessed his heart, as he had long known that he possessed hers. And nothing, including the two of them, could ever change that fact, whatever the fates had proclaimed to the contrary.
               Standing there, watching her eyes, he seemed to be holding his breath as he waited patiently for her to push him away, as she always did whenever they became too close, emotionally or physically.
               Then, she did something he never would have dreamed as she took a step forward, holding his gaze as she moved, and suddenly his eyes were gently falling closed as he felt her soft, full lips closing against his own.
************        
               “Marry me,” he said as they lay together in his big, warm bed, her lying on her back with her head rested comfortably against his pillows, him lying on his left side, his back to the window, the side of his head rested against the heel of his hand, and a warm, contented and loving smile on his lips as he regarded the woman lying by his side as they bathed in the afterglow of their first passionate encounter.
               “You don’t mean that,” she shook her head, lowering her eyes as she turned her face towards him.
               “I’ve never meant anything more,” he said, offering her the same easy smile as she lifted her eyes to meet his again, “I would be honored to have you as my queen.”
               “And if I said no?” she asked, watching his eyes quietly, “You would find another, William.”
               “Never,” he shook his head gently, watching her eyes as she lifted them again.
               Tears welled up in Emily's eyes as her heart swelled in her chest with her love for him and, ignoring the protestations in her brain, that she had been shown differently where he was concerned, she gently cupped his face in her hand, drawing him in to kiss him again, feeling her heart somersaulting in her chest as she found he was smiling as she was, his lips curved upwards as they pressed her own.
               She loved him, dammit. And just this once, she wanted to let herself be in love, and to enjoy being loved just as deeply in return.
               For one night, she wanted to know what real love was, even if it meant spending the rest of her life mourning its loss.
               Suffering in the knowledge that she’d had him, but could never keep him.
               If she was destined to live the rest of her life in the shadows, so be it.
               But just for tonight, she wanted to live in the light.
*****************